Hindu cremation rituals at someone's death

Transcript from one mail regarding cremation ritual…

 

http://mailerindia.com/hindu/veda/index.php?death

 

 I wonder which of you can explain the rituals that we go through when we cremate our parents in this tradition.  What is the significance of the following?  I went through this myself and had some things explained to me or even followed a little remotely with my broken knowledge of Sanskrit.  I would like to know what some of you know or have heard about the true meaning or reason for these rituals.

 

 

1.       Starting every ceremony with a request of forgiveness for errors in procedure (and Ganesha to remove obstacles in the performance)

2.       The homam

3.       Lighting the fire at the top of the head for the mother

4.       Lighting the fire on the heart for the father

5.       Laying out the bones and paying obeisance and dousing oneself with ashes, mud, etc. (A method of grieving the dead person)

6.       Interring or dissolving ashes in the Ganges or the Cauvery (Lower Ganges) or the Sea and not looking back (final goodbye)

7.       13 days of pindam (food for the souls during the departure?) – In the river (symbolic of the river being the journey of life?)

8.       Black sesame for the dead, and white sesame for the living

9.       Vignopadayam on the right for the NOW (living), and the left for the dead

10.   Significance of the 10^th day

11.   Clearing at the 13^th day (Release of grief?)

12.   Donating a cow on the 13^th day (soul to not follow Yama and his buffalo to Naraga?)

13.   Feeding 3 priests (representing the dead, the living and Brahma?)

14.   Gifts to the Priest (I take this as a leftover from ancient tradition where the priest probably stayed at the house and performed the ceremony and therefore is given fresh clothes, umbrella, sombu, etc.?)

15.   No celebrations for a year (mourning period for the house)

16.   3 days of repeat of pindam, etc. at the 1^st year anniversary

17.   Final celebration and feast and release at the anniversary of death

18.   Yearly shradha at the anniversary

19.   Monthly tharpanam at Amavasya

 

Why do we only go back 3 generations and why also only the male side of the father and their wives?  Why not the maternal grandparents, and great grandparents?