Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Friday, November 03, 2006

LEMON JUICE - quite interesting

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man
around that they offered a Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a
lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a
patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win
the money. Many people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body builders,
etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a
safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the
bet."
After
the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and
squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the
little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his
fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd
cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man,
"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or
what?"
"No," replied the man.

"I work as a manager in a BPO. "

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Insurance Claim - in lighter vein


Insurance Claim - in lighter vein

Insurance Report

Possibly the funniest story in a long while,
this is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the American Insurance Journal. This is a true story.

Had this guy died,
he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.

Dear Sir:

"I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident
report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly more than 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form, that I weigh 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed down slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers on my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time,however,the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.


Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs.
I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent,downthe side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report,however,as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel beginning its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your questions. ….